Section 2: Start & Have Powerful First Interactions
4. Never Run Out Of Things To Say Again
So now let’s talk about why we run out of things to say so that can happen that you are in a social interaction, you are interacting with someone, and then there is a blank.
So in this video here, I would like to show you why it happens at the first place, but then also how can you deal with that if that happens?
So why do we have a blank?
We have a blank.
It’s because we think that what we have to say in an interaction is not great enough.
In other words, we have a filter for what we are allowed to say in our brain and then it’s too high.
So if the filter is too high, we filter all the information that you have.
We filter everything that we want to say and the filter is so high that says, Oh, that’s not good enough.
You cannot say that, Oh, that’s not good enough, you cannot say that.
So what you should do instead is lower your criteria for what you say, because remember, words are only 7%.
And what really matters is the 93%, the nonverbal, how you feel, your emotions, the tone of your voice, your eye contact, your smile, the energy that you have that is really, really important.
And words are only 7%.
So first, I would like you to change your focus and don’t focus on really what you have to say, but focus on what you have to feel.
We’ll discuss that later in the in the course on really all this nonverbal stuff.
But really, I want you to to change the focusing.
Hey, what you have to say is not as important as you may think.
Yes.
It’s important to to get the conversation going.
That’s really important.
But you can almost say anything as long as it’s socially accepted and you don’t want to hurt someone and you don’t have bad intentions.
So basically you could talk about anything because if you think if you talk with your friends, you can talk with them for hours and hours and hours and you have something to say.
But then what happens is that when you approach someone at a networking event or someone that impresses you or someone that you think is of higher value, then you think, Oh, it’s not great enough.
I cannot say that it’s not great enough and your filter is really high.
So lower the criteria and talk about what you want.
Remember, talk about everything that is around you about something that happened, something that will happen in the future.
Talk about you talk about the other person and just share something.
Share words with the other person.
Now, what if that happens?
What if you are talking to someone and then you have this blank?
What happens?
First, you should be comfortable with that.
It means that whatever you feel, the other person feels.
So if you have the blank and you start being really anxious and being really stressed, the other person will feel that.
So.
Be relaxed.
Be at ease.
Be comfortable with that.
I even had someone in the bar that approached me because I approached this person at the beginning of the night.
And then at the end of the night, the person came and said, Wow, It was really incredible because at one moment we had a blank.
We had nothing to say.
And then you felt really great and really comfortable.
And I also really had a great time at that moment and it’s the first time that happened to me.
So you see, by just being comfortable, you can even have great interactions because whatever you feel, the other person feels, But the goal is not to have blanks.
Okay.
If you have one, it’s natural that happens.
So if you have a blank, be comfortable and then try to initiate the conversation with almost anything.
Why am I saying that?
Because you’re having a blank and the person will tolerate a lot of things that you can say because you by saying something, you will remove the pressure of the shoulders and it’s something that is really valuable for them.
So it means that even if you start talking and something is a little bit awkward or off, you reinitiate in a way that maybe not the best one in the world.
It doesn’t matter.
The person will appreciate it and will re-engage the conversation.
So how can you re-engage the conversation?
First, you can talk about what was said before.
Let’s say that you were talking about going to Barcelona or about your job or about a passion that you have or about the say something that the person said.
For example, the person said that they like playing basketball.
So to reinitiate the conversation, you could just say, Hey, which is the best team right now?
Or something in in the way I’m just making things up.
I just want to to show you that it doesn’t have to be perfect when you are reinitiating a conversation and it’s not a big deal at all.
And then what you should do and what you can do is have a question toolbox.
So I have three questions that I ask all the time if there is a blank.
So I don’t want to share them with you.
Why?
Because it’s aligned with who I am and my personality.
I would like you to find three questions that you can ask if there is a blank.
And three, I would say generic questions that you could ask anyone and that would reinitiate the conversation.
And then you are ready.
You are ready to go and have interactions because if there is a blank, you will become comfortable with that.
And then you can reinitiate the conversation and then you can also ask questions from the toolbox.
You are ready.
- Filter
- 指的是一种内在的“筛选”或“审查”机制。
- 当我们想开口时，大脑中会先判断“这个话题/内容是否足够好”“说出来会不会尴尬或无聊”等。如果标准（criteria）设得太高，很多原本可以自然说出来的内容就会被自己“过滤”掉，导致不知道说什么。
- Blank
- 通常指“大脑空白”或者“冷场”“说不出话”的状态。
- 也可以理解为对话中突然出现的沉默片刻，我们一下子找不到下一个话题或下一句话，从而出现空白的局面。
Takeaway
Key Takeaways – Never Run Out of Things to Say Again
- Lower Your Filter
- We often get “blanks” because we think our ideas aren’t “good enough.”
- Remember, words are only 7% of communication. Focus on how you say it—tone, body language, energy—and don’t judge yourself too harshly.
- Be Comfortable with Silence
- If you go blank, stay relaxed instead of panicking. Your calmness puts the other person at ease.
- A brief pause in conversation is natural and can even strengthen rapport if handled confidently.
- Re-initiate with Anything
- Don’t overthink the perfect topic. Refer back to something previously mentioned (e.g., travel plans, favorite hobbies) or comment on the environment.
- The other person often appreciates you breaking the silence, even if it’s not a “brilliant” segue.
- Prepare a “Question Toolbox”
- Have three go-to questions ready for whenever conversation stalls.
- These should feel natural and fit your personality, letting you quickly refocus on the dialogue.
- Relax & Share Freely
- You can talk about anything—as long as it’s respectful and well-intentioned.
- Treat new acquaintances like friends: share ideas, stories, or casual observations, and trust that good energy carries the interaction.
以下是对这些英文词汇在此语境中的简要解释，帮助理解上文意思：
- harshly
- 含义：严厉地；苛刻地。
- 在文中表示「对自己或想法过度苛责、批判」，即“不要过度苛责自己”。
- panicking
- 含义：惊慌失措；陷入恐慌。
- 在文中强调当出现大脑空白时，“不要恐慌/惊慌”。
- calmness
- 含义：平静；镇定。
- 与 panicking 相对，指在对话出现空白时要“保持平静、从容不迫”。
- rapport
- 含义：融洽；和谐的关系。
- 指人际交流中一种积极、信任、亲近和和谐的状态。
- refer
- 含义：提及；谈到；参照。
- 在文中是“可以回到之前提到的某个话题（refer back to something previously mentioned）”。
- segue
- 含义：平稳过渡；自然衔接到下一个话题。
- 文中表示“即使话题转换不算完美，只要能让对话继续，也是一种 segue（过渡）”。
- acquaintances
- 含义：熟人；泛泛之交（不算很亲密的朋友）。
- 在文中指“把新认识的人当作熟人来对待，去分享一些想法或看法”。
stalls 的意思是「陷入停滞」「卡住」「中断」。也就是说，当谈话进行到某个阶段突然不知道要说什么、对话停滞不前或「冷场」时，就可以使用那三个预先准备好的问题来重新开启话题。
中文总结：让对话不再“词穷”
- 降低“自我审查”门槛
- 很多人会在心里给“能说的话”设定过高标准，担心内容不够好或不够有趣。
- 记住，语言本身只占沟通的 7%，更重要的是你说话时的情绪、态度和非语言表现。
- 对沉默保持平常心
- 若对话突然冷场或你一时大脑空白，不要惊慌失措，保持放松、淡定的态度。
- 你的从容能带给对方安全感，反而有助于彼此的互动关系。
- 随时“再启动”对话
- 别纠结话题是否“完美”，从先前谈到的内容或周遭环境入手，都可以自然地重新带动谈话。
- 对方通常也会感谢你帮助打破尴尬，让交流持续下去。
- 准备“备用问题”
- 可以事先想好 3 个通用的问题作为“工具箱”，在谈话停滞时直接拿出来问。
- 这些问题要与你的个性相符，问得自然大方。
- 分享而非审查
- 不要把交谈当成考核，尽量像和朋友聊天一样，分享各种想法和经历。
- 关键不在于你说的内容多么“完美”，而是谈吐间展现的热情、真诚与自信。
