Section 2: Start & Have Powerful First Interactions
2.3 Best Ways To Always Start A Conversation
How you can approach people.
How you approach people is not really important. As long as you have good intentions and as long as you just say something.
The first way is to introduce yourself.
“Hi, my name is Alan. “ You just say your name. And then you shake hands. It has to be a confident handshake and you look the other person in the eye.
And then by the law of reciprocity (互助，互惠；互换), the person say, Hey my name is Mary, my name is Frank.
And then you can say something…
The second way to approach someone would be to ask a basic question.
Why? Because it’s a great way to approach someone. And it’s not something that is really personal.
If you ask a question about what’s happening around you or about something,
let’s say that you want to know where the nearest restaurant is or where you can eat sushi or when this place closes.
It’s a question that you can ask. So you can approach someone and you can even say, Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
And if you say that it’s my favorite way because the person will give you their full attention.
Because if you just approach and say hi and then you go with your question, maybe the person is not listening,
but if you say hi, can I ask you a question?
Then the person will say, oh yes, sure, and then you can ask your question.
And the question does not really matter. So any basic question is great.
And even if you already know the answer, it’s not an issue.
Because remember, you just want to find an easy way to start an interaction.
And this is the easiest way to approach someone because if you are sad, or if you are not in a great mood, you could just approach someone and just ask a basic question.
The third way is a little bit more advanced, but will also give you the best results.
When you will approach someone, I would like you to compliment (夸奖；赞扬；赞赏；恭维) them.
You can compliment them on their looks or their behavior or their personality (个性，性格；人格).
I will start with the personality.
When you look at someone or when you observe someone, you can see if the person is in a great mood, or not, or if you think that this person is friendly or not.
So what I would do is if I see the person looks friendly or looks open minded,
I will just approach and say, Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because you look friendly.
It’s a really great way to approach someone.
Or you can say, Hi, I just wanted to say hi because you look open minded.
Hi, I just wanted to approach you because you look happy.
You can see here you can try to read the behavior, but try to read the positive behavior.
Don’t say, Oh, I just wanted to say hi because you look depressed. Don’t do that.
If you see that the person is in a great mood and looks friendly, you can use that and you will see that it will work like a charm (to be very effective, possibly in a surprising way).
If you are in a business environment, maybe try to adapt this, compliment this behavior.
So maybe you could compliment on, for example, the conference that the person gave or a presentation that the person gave or something like that.
You have to be creative depending on your own situation, but try to approach with a compliment on the behavior that the person has. You will see it works like a charm.
Then you can also compliment on their looks.
So it’s something that will be more for a seduction (诱惑力；吸引力；魅力).
If you want to seduce (吸引，迷住) someone, you could approach and say,
Hi, my name is Alan. I just wanted to say hi because I really like your dress, or
Hi, my name is Mary. I just wanted to approach because I really like your suit.
When I’m saying that I’m not all stressed or I’m not being persistent. I’m just talking like I would talk to a friend.
And I think it’s really important when you approach someone, you have to talk as if you are talking to your best friend and you will see that your tone of voice will be aligned (对齐；支持的，赞同的). Everything will be great.
It’s up to you now to choose which one of the three you prefer.
Do you prefer to just introduce yourself? Do you prefer to just ask a question or do you prefer to compliment someone and you don’t need anything else.
That’s how I approach 100% all the time when I approach someone in any environment.
I know that I can introduce myself. I can just say, Hey, my name is Alan. How are you? Are you having a great day? A great night? How do you all know each other? We’ll see what to say next.
Takeaways
Key Takeaways from Section 2.3 – Best Ways to Always Start a Conversation
- Mindset Matters More Than the Exact Approach
- Your attitude and genuine intention are the most important factors.
- Approach with sincerity and friendliness—don’t overthink the “perfect” opener.
- Method 1: Introduce Yourself
- Simply say, “Hi, my name is [Your Name].”
- Offer a confident handshake and maintain eye contact.
- By reciprocity, the other person typically shares their name and the conversation continues naturally.
- Method 2: Ask a Basic Question
- Use a simple, non-personal question—e.g., “Where’s the nearest coffee shop?”
- A great trick: start with “Excuse me, can I ask you a question?” to ensure full attention.
- Even if you already know the answer, it’s a gentle way to break the ice.
- Method 3: Offer a Genuine Compliment
- Compliment their behavior, personality, or looks.
- Behavior/Personality Examples:
- “You seem really friendly—had to say hi.”
- “You look like you’re in a great mood!”
- Looks Examples (often used in a more flirtatious context):
- “I love your dress.”
- “That’s a great suit.”
- Keep your tone light, as if talking to a friend—avoid appearing pushy or overly intense.
- Adapt to the Environment
- In a business setting, compliment presentations or professional work.
- In a social or casual setting, compliment their style or positive vibe.
- Consistency & Confidence
- Practice using any of these methods until they feel natural.
- Speak as you would to a friend; it helps your voice and body language stay relaxed and confident.
Overall, choose whichever approach feels most comfortable and authentic to you. The key is to start the conversation in a friendly, open manner and let the natural flow of dialogue take over.
从第 2.3 节——如何开启对话的要点总结（中文）
- 心态比特定说法更重要
- 与人交流时，最关键的是保持真诚友善的态度，不要纠结于“完美”开场白。
- 方法一：直接介绍自己
- 简单地说：“你好，我叫某某。”
- 递出自信的握手并注视对方的眼睛。
- 在互惠原理下，对方通常也会告诉你他们的名字，然后顺势继续话题。
- 方法二：问一个基础性问题
- 提一个跟对方无关、相对客观的问题，如“最近的咖啡馆在哪里？”
- 可以先说“打扰一下，我能问你个问题吗？”这样对方会更专注地听你说。
- 即使你已经知道答案，仍然能用来破冰。
- 方法三：真诚地赞美对方
- 可以夸对方的行为、性格或外貌。
- 行为/性格示例：
- “你看起来很友善，所以我想来打个招呼。”
- “你看起来心情很好，想跟你聊聊。”
- 外貌示例（常用于带点暧昧或吸引的场合）：
- “我很喜欢你的连衣裙。”
- “你的西装很不错。”
- 语气要自然，像跟朋友聊天一样，不要显得太刻意或紧张。
- 注意情境灵活运用
- 在商务场合，或许可以夸对方的演讲、项目或专业表现。
- 在社交或休闲环境，可以夸对方的穿衣风格或积极的气场。
- 保持自信和连贯性
- 选择适合自己的方式，坚持练习，直到能自然而然地运用。
- 说话时就像跟老朋友聊天，语气和肢体语言会更放松自如。
总而言之，选择最适合自己的开场方式，真诚、自信、自然地展开对话，让交流顺其自然地进行。
