Section 3: Develop Rapport & Connection Fast
9. Make People Like You
How to make people like you.
So this is one of my favorite videos because I have a technique that is really powerful and that will make people like you.
And with this technique, I have people who come to me and say, Oh, Alan, I really I really enjoy talking to you.
I don’t know why, but I really liked it.
So I want to reveal this technique to you here in this video.
But before I would like to ask you a simple question, Can you just think about the news and everything horrible that is happening in the world right now?
How do you feel?
Maybe you are sad, maybe you are angry, or maybe you have another negative emotion.
And what if I ask you this question?
What are your passions and interests?
You may start thinking about them and really feel great.
So by the questions that I ask, I’m able to trigger certain emotions.
And I know that there are some people that would say, Oh, Allen, but when I watch the news, I feel great.
Yes, But I want to say is that there are certain questions that you can ask, and most of the time people will feel something that is great or something that is bad if you ask a positive question.
There are higher chances that the person will feel positive emotions and remember, people will remember how they felt in an interaction, not what was said in an interaction, because words are only 7%.
So if you ask a question that will make the other person feel great, that will make the other person have great emotions in their body.
They will love you for that because what most people do is that they approach and they don’t really care about what they say.
They just say random things and they don’t really care about making the other person comfortable and making the other person have great emotions.
So when I talk to people, I will always ask the positive questions such as What do you like to do for fun?
What are your passions and interests?
Where would you like to travel?
What would you like to do when you have free time?
I always ask them these positive questions because I know that there are higher chances that they will feel great emotions because let’s say that we are talking about your passions.
How do you feel?
You feel great and you are generating these positive emotions, but then you will associate them to me.
Now, I wouldn’t recommend that you approach someone and then you start asking these positive questions because saying, Hey, what are your passions and interests just after meeting someone?
Maybe that can be a little bit off or awkward or depending on the situation.
But what I encourage you to do is to approach someone and start with a conversation that is, I would say, basic small talk.
And then when you have built some connection with the person, you can start asking these positive questions.
In other words, it has to be questions that may trigger positive emotions in the other person’s body.
I’m not saying to manipulate someone, I’m not saying, hey, manipulate someone and trigger certain emotion.
I’m just saying ask questions that has higher chances of having a great reaction rather than boring questions or negative oriented questions.
Because if you ask negative oriented questions, the person will feel negative feelings and the person won’t say, Oh, I had a great time with this person.
Now it’s different.
If you ask a negative question and the person listens, then you are sharing your problems.
That’s a different and that’s a different situation here.
I’m saying you are at a networking event.
You approach someone for the first time and you talk to them and that’s how you will be able to become magnetic.
So I would like to ask you this question here.
What are three positive questions that you could have in your toolbox and that you could ask people when you meet them?
Maybe it can be about what they like to do when they have free time about their passions and interests.
It can be about travel.
It can be about anything that you think will trigger a positive emotion and start using that.
And this technique actually, I learned that from my best friend because I was observing him, you know, ten years ago.
I was shy.
I started, so I had no social skills.
But there is something I had.
It means that I could observe people.
So I was observing people and I observed my best friend and he would always ask questions that would stand out and that had a positive outcome because I was studying at university and most people would only talk about the exams, about the grades, about how difficult the course was.
And he would talk to people and talk about the vacation.
He would talk about something fun about the parties.
He was studying hard, but it’s just that he was not talking about that.
He was just talking about positive things.
And what happened is that he became popular.
So it’s up to you now to incorporate and to use a small questions, I would say small talk questions that can have a positive impact because remember, people will remember how they felt, not what was said.
So go ahead, take a piece of paper and write down right now three questions that you can ask people to trigger.
I would say that has higher chances of triggering positive emotions and then go out to the world and use them.
下面分别解释这些词汇在原文中的具体含义或对应的中文释义，结合了文章所表达的语境：
- associate
- 含义：使……产生联系、联想。
- 在文中的语境：当对方在对话中产生正面情绪时，这种情绪就会“被联想到”你身上，让对方对你有好感。
- a little bit off
- 含义：有些奇怪、略显不妥或不合时宜。
- 在文中的语境：若刚见面就直接问对方“你的兴趣爱好是什么？”之类的问题，可能会让对方觉得怪怪的、不够自然。
- trigger
- 含义：引发、触发（某种反应或情绪）。
- 在文中的语境：通过提出某些正面的、积极向上的问题，可以“触发”对方的正面情绪。
- oriented
- 含义：以……为导向的、面向……的。
- 在文中的语境：与 “negative-oriented questions” 对比，指问题的方向或重点是负面的或者正面的；“negative-oriented” 就是“负面导向”的问题。
- magnetic
- 含义：有吸引力的、有魅力的，像磁铁一样让人想靠近。
- 在文中的语境：如果你能让对方感到舒服、开心，对你自然会有一种“吸引力”，在人际交往中会显得很“有磁性”。
- incorporate
- 含义：将……纳入、融合、结合到……中。
- 在文中的语境：鼓励你将这些积极的提问方式或策略“融合”进自己的社交工具箱，在各种场合中加以运用。
Takeaway
Key Takeaways – Make People Like You
- Ask Questions that Spark Positive Emotions
- People remember how they felt more than what you actually said.
- Examples of uplifting questions include:
- “What do you like to do for fun?”
- “What are your passions and interests?”
- “Where do you dream of traveling someday?”
- Ease into “Deep” Questions
- Don’t start with personal or “big” questions right away.
- Begin with casual small talk; once you’ve built some rapport, transition into those positive, engaging topics.
- Stay Positive, Avoid the Negative
- Negative or heavy topics can dampen the mood, especially in first-time interactions.
- Focus on hobbies, travel, fun experiences, or anything that gets people naturally excited.
- Observe What Works
- Notice how people react when asked certain questions—especially those that highlight good memories or future goals.
- Lean into questions that reliably bring out positive energy.
- Create Your Own “Positive Questions Toolbox”
- Prepare a few go-to prompts that align with your personality and situations (e.g., at parties, networking events, etc.).
- Practice and refine these questions so they feel natural.
By steering the conversation toward enjoyable, interest-based topics, you help others experience positive emotions they subconsciously link to you—making you more memorable and likable.
下面为你逐一解释这些词汇在该英文摘要（takeaway）中的含义，结合了其在文中、在对话或沟通场景下的具体使用背景：
- Spark
- 含义：激发，点燃。
- 在文中的语境：用于表示“引发某种情绪或想法”，如“Ask Questions that Spark Positive Emotions”，意思是“提一些能够激发积极情绪的问题”。
- uplifting
- 含义：令人振奋的、能让人感到积极向上的。
- 在文中的语境：指可以让对方感觉到心情愉悦或情绪高涨的问题或话题，比如“uplifting questions”。
- Ease into
- 含义：逐渐进入，循序渐进地开始。
- 在文中的语境：在对话或社交场合，不要突然抛出深度话题，而要先从简单聊天开始，慢慢“切入”较私密或深入的话题。
- rapport
- 含义：融洽，和谐，彼此之间的良好关系。
- 在文中的语境：指通过一些初步的互动（如简单的聊天）来建立的互相信任或亲近感。
- transition into
- 含义：过渡到，转变到。
- 在文中的语境：从轻松的闲聊话题逐步“转变”到更深层次或更能带来积极情绪的讨论。
- engaging
- 含义：有吸引力的，有趣的，能调动他人参与的。
- 在文中的语境：指那些能让人感到兴趣、想要继续谈下去的话题或问题。
- dampen
- 含义：降低，削弱，使……减退。
- 在文中的语境：带有“泼冷水”或“让气氛变得低迷”的含义，比如谈及负面或沉重话题可能“dampen the mood”（让氛围变得消沉）。
- Lean into
- 含义：倾向于更加投入地使用或拥抱某件事情；可以理解成“多加利用”或“主动运用”。
- 在文中的语境：如果某些问题或话题能让人产生积极情绪，就要“lean into”这些问题，意味着要更频繁地使用它们、多多展开讨论。
- go-to prompts
- 含义：“万金油”式的提示或问题；一旦需要时随时拿出来使用的常用话题或问题。
- 在文中的语境：指在社交场合里，你预先准备的那几个“常用且效果不错”的问题，随时拿出来问对方。
- align with
- 含义：与……保持一致，与……相符合。
- 在文中的语境：让你提出的问题能够“符合”自身个性与具体场景（如聚会、商务活动），这样交流才显得自然。
- steering
- 含义：引导；带领；把某事物引向某个方向。
- 在文中的语境：把谈话“引导”到对方会感到开心或正面的主题上。
- subconsciously
- 含义：下意识地；潜意识里。
- 在文中的语境：指人们在潜意识层面上会把美好感受和你这个人联系起来，不一定是有意识地去分析原因，就已经对你产生好感。
中文摘要
如何让别人喜欢你 – 中文总结
- 善用能引发正面情绪的问题
- 大多数人更在意和你互动时的感觉，而非实际说了什么。
- 针对对方可能乐于讨论的兴趣、热爱或旅行计划等进行询问，可以有效带动积极情绪。
- 先“小聊”，再进入深层话题
- 不要刚见面就直接抛出“你有何热情与爱好”之类的深入问题，可能会让人觉得“怪怪的”。
- 先用简单的寒暄建立基本连接，时机成熟时再转到更能激发热情的话题。
- 保持正面导向，减少负面话题
- 避免开口就提沉重或负面的内容，否则会影响对方心情，且难以营造轻松氛围。
- 聚焦在对方乐于分享、能令其感到兴奋或愉悦的经历和想法。
- 观察效果，形成“提问工具箱”
- 通过观察对方的反应，找到最能让其产生好情绪的问题类型。
- 提前准备几个能自然引出正面情绪的常用问题，灵活应用于不同社交场合。
- 让对方与美好感受“联想到”你
- 当对方谈到自己喜欢的事物或快乐的回忆时，愉悦感会下意识地与提问者（你）产生关联。
- 这种正面情绪能让你更具“吸引力”，在社交中更易赢得好感和信任。
