Section 3: Develop Rapport & Connection Fast
8. Connect With People Fast
So now let’s talk about how you can connect with someone fast.
Let’s say that you have started an interaction with someone.
Then how can you lead this interaction so that you are able to connect with this person?
So my first advice to you would be to find something in common with the person.
Because if you think about the people that you hang out with, you have something in common with them.
Maybe it’s work, maybe it’s a passion.
Maybe it’s an activity that you do together.
Maybe it’s something that you have.
So if you want to connect with someone fast, your goal should be to ask questions so that you find something in common as quickly as possible.
So my first suggestion would be to start talking about the place that you are in about the activity that you are doing together.
Let’s say that you meet someone at a networking event, something that you have in common maybe is your business, maybe it’s work.
You have something in common that you can talk about.
Let’s say that you are at the gym and then you approach someone.
Something that you have in common is you go to the gym.
So maybe you’re also interested in nutrition, in how to lose weight.
And that’s are things that you can use to talk about.
So when you have found something that you have in common with that person, I would like you to start talking about it because the more you talk about something that you have in common, the better you will be able to connect with someone.
So start with the place that you are in and the activity that you are doing together.
Talk about that.
The second advice to find commonalities would be to ask a question and try to find something that you have in common.
A question that I always like to ask is, for example, what are your passions or interests or what do you like to do when you have free time?
Why?
Because if I can find a commonality with this person based on their passions and interests and then we talk about that, they will be able to feel really, really great and I will be able to connect with them.
Now, I’m not saying manipulate the person and say that you have the same interests and passions at than them.
I’m not saying that.
What I’m just saying is you should try to find a common ground, something that you have in common.
So try to ask questions.
And then when you found something.
Talk about it.
If you are not able to find something that you have in common, you can use what we call indirect commonalities.
Let’s say that we are talking and I cannot find something that I have in common with you.
So what I will do is that I will use indirect commonalities.
Let’s say that you are talking about Barcelona.
You want to go on vacation.
I have never been to Barcelona.
I have no idea.
I cannot relate to you.
But what I can say is that I can use an indirect commonality and say, Oh, I have a friend who went to Barcelona and he loved it.
He loved this place here.
He loved this restaurant.
Barcelona is great.
That’s what he told me.
And as you can see, I can use an indirect commonality to bond with you and to connect with you so you can use someone who did that or someone who went to that place.
And that’s how you can connect with people fast.
Another advice would be that you should spend time with the person.
The more you spend time with the person, the better it will be and the easier it will be to connect.
Why?
Because you will get to know each other.
You will be able to find commonalities and you will be able to be comfortable with the other person.
So when you are interacting with someone, try to spend a decent amount of time with them.
For example, if you go to a bar and you approach a man or a woman, try to spend, I would say at least half an hour before asking for the phone number so that you can really connect with this person and use the strategies that you are seeing in this course.
If you go to a networking event, try to really take time to connect with the person, because the more you can connect with the person, the easier it will be.
Then if you want to contact this person again, so spend time with them and make the other person feel comfortable and that’s how you will be able to connect with people.
下面是这些词语在原文笔记中的含义或对应的中文解释，结合了它们在具体语境中的用法：
- commonality
- 含义：共同点、相似之处。
- 文本语境：指你和对方都喜欢或经历过的事情、活动、地点等，可以在对话中用来拉近关系。
- manipulate
- 含义：操纵、利用。
- 文本语境：文中提到“不建议假装自己有相同兴趣，这可能带有‘操纵’的嫌疑”。意思是不要为了取悦对方而“操纵事实”。
- find a common ground
- 含义：找到共同点或共鸣点。
- 文本语境：与对方在某个话题或兴趣点上达成一致，从而增进彼此了解和关系。
- relate to
- 含义：与……产生共鸣、能够理解、感同身受。
- 文本语境：在对话中，如果能“relate to”对方的经历或想法，就更容易建立亲近感。
- indirect commonality
- 含义：间接共同点。
- 文本语境：当没有直接相同经历时，可提到自己或朋友的类似经历来间接与对方产生“我们也有相似的地方”的感觉。
- bond with
- 含义：与某人建立联系、培养情感纽带。
- 文本语境：通过聊天或发现共同之处来“bond with”别人，即形成更紧密的人际关系。
- decent
- 含义：足够的、相当不错的、恰当的。
- 文本语境：指与对方相处或交流时，需要保证“足够长”的互动时间，比如“a decent amount of time”才能建立更好的连接。
- half an hour
- 含义：半个小时。
- 文本语境：举例说在酒吧或类似场合中，最好先聊上一段时间（如 30 分钟）再要对方联系方式，这样更有利于建立信任和好感。
Takeaways
Key Takeaways – Connect With People Fast
- Find (and Focus on) Common Ground
- Begin with obvious shared elements such as the place or activity (e.g., a networking event or gym).
- If direct commonalities are lacking, use indirect connections (like referencing a friend’s experience) to relate to the other person.
- Use Questions to Discover Shared Interests
- Ask about passions, hobbies, or what they enjoy doing in their free time.
- When you find something in common, linger on it. Discuss it in depth to build a stronger rapport.
- Spend Quality Time
- More time together allows you to get comfortable, discover mutual interests, and establish trust.
- At a bar, for instance, give at least 30 minutes before asking for contact details—this helps cement the connection.
- Keep Things Comfortable
- Maintain a friendly, authentic demeanor; avoid faking interests just to match theirs.
- Show genuine curiosity, and let them feel at ease. This approach lays the groundwork for more meaningful connections.
如何迅速与人建立连结 – 中文要点总结
- 发掘并围绕“共同点”展开
- 先从你们所处的场合或正在进行的活动入手（例如：在健身房、公司活动等）。
- 若直接找不到共同之处，也可用“间接关联”（比如提及你认识的朋友曾有类似经历）来与对方产生共鸣。
- 通过提问挖掘彼此兴趣
- 询问对方的兴趣、爱好或平时喜欢做的事。
- 一旦发现共同兴趣，就多聊聊这个话题，建立更深的默契和好感。
- 投入足够的互动时间
- 花更多时间与对方相处，能让双方更放松，也更容易彼此了解并找到更多话题。
- 在酒吧等场合，不妨先聊上一阵子（比如 30 分钟）再要联系方式；在商务活动中也尽量花心思做深度交流。
- 让对方感到舒适
- 保持真诚，不要假装与你无关的兴趣只是为了迎合对方。
- 以好奇心和尊重的态度去了解对方，让他们感觉放松和被重视，自然就能快速建立起更牢固的关系。
